Sabeeha’s musings- Zaid

Published October 13, 2016 by surtidiaries

I never fully understood the idea of needing space. It just never made sense to me. There is no such thing as giving someone space to grow. Thats just a bucket load of crap. You grow with your people, not without them.

But yeah okay, asking for some space is one thing. But just taking off without telling or asking is just rude on a whole new level. Plain damn rude. And there was no way I would allow someone to just leave without official leave and then come back and expect everyone to return to normal life as if nothing happened. No…I would not take that nonsense.

Which is how I ended up climbing up to the sixteenth floor in some building on North Beach hoping that my FBI skills would prove me right. I took a few seconds to recompose myself and catch my breathe and then banged at the door. I waited for five minutes and then grew impatient so I knocked again, this time harder.

Zaid: who (opening the door) is it?

He stared open mouthed.

Aha. So my FBI skills aren’t so bad after all!

Me: if it isn’t the space guy!

Zaid: you still grudging me for saying that?

me: aha. You want space? get a job at NASA.

zaid: I just needed a few days away okay.

Me: days? you took weeks! weeks! you said space, not the freaken galaxy of space!

Zaid: (rolling his eyes) yes darling. I see you survived weeks without me. (lifting his eyebrow) has it really been that long? wow, time really flies when you having fun. (he giggled when I got angry)

Me: (rolling my eyes) aren’t you gonna invite me in??

Zaid held my gaze for a while, his eyes searching mine for answers. He folded his arms and waited for me to say something. I raised my eyebrow.

Gosh was this guy for real?

Zaid: how did you find me?

Haha. He looked so baffled.

Me: (holding up my phone) you wanna embrace the modern world? You gotta grasp the concept of cellphone tracking!

Zaid moved aside and nodded his head for me to come in. That was all it took for me to run inside. Sigh. My life is so lame. I am so lame.

Me: so this is your place? Holiday home? (I turned around to look at him, he was already on the other side fiddling with something on the kitchen table) space flat?

I looked around, taking the place in. Sweet. It was nice. Comfortable.

Zaid: (shrug) something like that…

Uh-oh. He had that look. The deep emo one. I started to regret coming here. Oh gosh what if he starts crying or something? What do I do?

Me: sweeett!

Awkward silence…

I looked at everything in the room except for him. I could feel his gaze on me.

Okay earth, if you planning on swallowing me, now would be a great time!

Zaid: so? What happened?

I picked up the display car and studied it like it was the most interesting thing I have ever seen.

Me: huh? Nothing happened.

Zaid: so you went through all the trouble to track me down, drive all the way here alone and climb sixteen flights just to have a look at my car display?

Me: uhmm yeah.

Zaid glared at me.

Me: You were missing in action mahn. You missed so much!!

Zaid: really? What’d I miss?

He folded his arms and waited for my answer. Urgh. So distracting.

Me: well….you missed Muhammed’s first step. 

Zaid started to laugh and I relaxed. To be honest, I wasn’t sure why I came to him myself.

Zaid: wow. I sure missed alot.

I rolled my eyes and sat down on the bar stool.

Me: Amira had a baby girl. Asmaa Motala! 

Zaid: wow. That’s great news. 

He looked generally happy. 

Me: how come you never told me that Umayr is a Hafiz?

I wanted to ask him about his mother but I figured he would tell me when he wanted me to know. Besides, I wasn’t really in the lets have a deep conversation mood.

He made us iced coffee and took out some rusks. I watched him as he mixed the jug of ice coffee and added ice cream to it.

Zaid: we still on for this weekend if you wondering.

Me: good to know. I have no idea what to wear.

Zaid: anything but madame winfrey!

Me: you did not just call it that!

Zaid: I just did.

Me: in that case, I know what Im wearing! Madame Winfrey it is!

Madame winfrey is Zaid’s ridiculous name for this dress that I wore once. Yeah, he is stupid.

We chatted a little and then Zaid admitted that he needs help to pick out a gift for his mother. He explained that it was a family tradition to buy the host a gift. The host being his mother. And like the kind soul that I am, I did not offer my services to help him.

Zaid: can you help me?

Sabeeha: Im sorry, what was that? (I raised an eyebrow)

Zaid: I need help to pick a gift. You are a girl right? You would know what to get her.

I smirked.

Sabeeha: well my family tradition is that if you help someone pick a gift, you pick a gift for yourself too.

Zaid burst out laughing.

Sabeeha: so what you say? I help you pick a gift for your mother and you get me that sports jacket I like?

Zaid: fine. But if its ugly we not getting it.

Sabeeha: (I jumped up to go) I dont see how what I wear affects you. (Shaking my head)

I gulped down the last bit of my drink and grabbed a few nougat sweets from the jar, shoving them into my pockets and two into my mouth. They were just so good.

We headed to Overport and ran in and out a few shops. Let me just tell you, if there is one thing I suck at, its shopping. Especially when it comes to shopping for someone else. I am so bad at it but I refuse to admit it to anyone. I mean come on, you cant go around telling people your weaknesses.

So I acted like I knew exactly what I was doing and paraded through the shop aisles like a boss.

Three hours later I found myself hiding in the flat bathroom and calling Naseema for some help. I bought a whole lot of stuff, I just needed help putting it together. I was pretty chuffed at myself for doing such a brilliant job but I only had a few seconds of pride before Naseema started screaming in my ears. My heart dropped.

Naseema: deodorant!!! YOU BOUGHT DEODORANT FOR HER?

Me: oh my word. Will you stop screaming. Its not such a train smash.

Naseema: (taking a deep breath) okay. What kind of deodorant?

Me: dove.

Naseema: DOVE?!!!! You bought DOVE DEODORANT?!??! (I held the phone far away)

Me: I don’t see how its a bad thing. Its something she is going to use.

Naseema: you need a hard smack!

Me: will you stop picking on me and just help a sister out here?

Naseema: Im going to need to know what else you bought…(she sighed and mumbled) lord help me.

I took a deep breath and started telling her what I bought. I didn’t even go pass the second thing and she already started scolding me. I dont know what I was thinking but only now did I realize what silly stuff I bought. Gosh I was a klutz.

There was a dove deodorant spray that seemed like a decent gift, a bubble bath that I bought because it has the cutest bottle, two sets of socks that I found on sale, a cute backpack, three packets of gums and candy, a box of scented chocolate, this really cool pillow that has a heart on it and a purple t shirt with blue dots.

Naseema: Get out of that bathroom , I will guide you through with it. (To herself) gosh why even!

I crept out of the bathroom and peeped around. Zaid was very interested in his psp so I scurried to the kitchen and asked Naseema what to do first. I facetimed her to show her exactly what was happening and I got even more shouting when she actually saw the stuff. This girl was a hell to deal with when she was moody.

It took extremely long, and I found it really hard to follow her instructions, but after an exhausting talk me through session, I had a good looking gift to give Zaids mum. Even Zaid was impressed. Lets hope his mother would be impressed.

Let’s just say, half the things that I bought didn’t even make it into the parcel. And half of the parcel was stuff I found in Zaids flat. Aha the perks of having a sharp friend.

The weekend came by and I woke up to stretch to a gorgeous looking day. The sun shone through my silver curtains and I stretched and smiled as I thought of the day with Zaid ahead. Lol. Okay I lie. Firstly I woke up late, no time to yawn, stretch, smile or burp. Secondly, it was raining. Yep, no sun through my window. And also, my curtains are not silver…

I ran to have a quick shower which was not so quick because my shampoo bottle fell on my baby toe and I had to sit down and feel sorry for myself because I am a girl and I am stupid.

I rushed to open up for Zaid who was all dressed and ready to move mind you. He just needed breakfast.

I was a little confused at first but it didnt take me long to recall me telling him to stop by for breakfast by me. Grr. Clever me.

I tried to make a quick breakfast but the eggs were not being cooperative in the pan and it looked more like scrambled mash than scrambled eggs. Pfft. Talk about lack of teamwork.

Zaid ate it without a word of complaint.

I scruffed around the flat for my shoes trying to remember where I had last left it. I was positive that it was in the closet, until it wasn’t. I was about to barge in and scream at Maseeha for “stealing” my shoes when I spotted it under the couch. Sigh.

One spray of the new Burberry perfume I stole from Amira and I was ready. I glanced at my perfume stand. Hmmm…it just needs one more bottle and it will look full. I made a metal note to hijack one from Naseema. Yes, I never paid for any one of my perfumes because duh…did you see them prices? Bleh, I sound like a memon.

Zaid came for the hundredth time to check if I was ready.

Zaid: took you long enough!

I rolled my eyes and pushed him aside in order to make way for me to go pass. I could feel Zaid’s eyes on me all the way to the car. He didnt say a word.

Me: what?

Zaid: what?

I sighed and looked ahead.

Zaid: you look decent. (Wink)

Me: haha. You not so bad yourself.

We made small talk.

Zaid: so whats happening with Amira?

Me: shes recovering. She had a rough couple of days. Im sure she will be fine soon.

My eyes widened as we neared a massive mansion that was decorated in the most exclusive lights my eyes have seen. And trust me, I have seen a lot of exclusive lights in my time on this earth. But this was just something else. Something out of a movie.

I had pictures in my mind of what Zaid mum would look like. Typical gujarati modern ladida lady in heels and makeup. The handbag on the arm type. Lets just say I was wrong on another level. Terribly, completely wrong.

And it wasn’t just the fact that she didn’t have heels on.

I stared at the white lady in front of me. Yes, you heard me right. White lady. As in white! As in “I eat spaghetti bolognese for supper” white.

I stared at the white lady in front of me and tried to comprehend the fact that this woman is what gave birth to Zaid. Our Zaid.

Zaid looked at me with a sad smile awaiting my reaction. I quickly pulled myself together and smiled and greeted her.

After a loooooooong night at Zaids mothers party, We finally left the mansion and headed home. The car ride was somewhat bland. Zaid had such a content smile on his face and the guilt gland inside me started to sweat. I decided that now was the perfect time to tell him. But a part of me, well more like the entire part of me didn’t want to be the reason he lost that smile. A thousand thoughts dashed around in my head and I reasoned that if I didn’t tell him now, it’s going to hurt more. 

I swallowed the lump in my throat and turned to tell him the truth about what he really missed. I turned to tell him how I didn’t really mean for it to happen but it did. At this point I wanted to be angry with him because if he didn’t disappear this wouldn’t have happened in the first place. I turned to tell him about Umayr. 

But then…Zaid said something that set everything to a whole new level…something that would make it even harder…

Zaid: Sabeeha I like you…

PART ONE HUNDRED AND TWO- and I’m gonna love you…

Published October 6, 2016 by surtidiaries


Conclusions. How often is it that we jump to conclusions? And how often is it that the conclusions we draw are no where near the reality that takes place. Maybe we just need to learn the simple act of patience. The simple act of letting time to take its time. Its amazing what time can do actually. One week you could be single and the next waking up next to your life partner. One day you could be living the dream and the next knocking door to door for a morsel of food or a mere sip of water. 

Take me for example, one morning I was all fat and wifey and the next I was not so fat and a mother of a gorgeous bundle of joy. A joy that brought a smile to my eyes with just a mere thought about her. A joy that stole my heart the second I laid my eyes on her. 

Asmaa Motala

The name rolled on my tongue as I repeated it for the second time this afternoon. I was all cooped up in my hospital bed patiently waiting for Sabeeha to put another spoonful of rice in my mouth. Yes, I was eating plain rice. No, I am not crazy. I like to call it after birth cravings. When I told that to Sabeeha she rolled her eyes and stated that I had cravings since birth. Lol.

Everyone else seemed to have forgotten all about me and stood at the glass window of the nursery cooing all over her. Imraan stood as guard and made sure nobody took a single photo. Lol.

Dont ask me whats gotten into him but it seemed as though the latest incidents changed his view on life. He listened more to lectures in the car and even attempted bringing some lessons into his life.  

Eating, for example. I came home all tired and flustered the other day only to discover that I no longer have a dining room table. Yes, you read that right! And as much as I knew I shouldn’t have, I freaked out. Imraan then proudly announced that we shall no longer sit at a table and eat. He even went as far as setting the floor up himself. It took him a while to realize that I couldn’t sit on the floor with my giant tummy. After a good laugh at how fat I was, he pulled up a stool for me and sat cross legged across me. I might have pretended to be a bit upset because…well I just felt like. But deep down, my heart filled with pride and joy. It made me happy to know he was so enthusiastic to practice the Sunnah.

He didn’t change everything though. He struggled to give up the TV and in the end decided to keep it. Then one late night, the radio was on and the discussion was “how tv affects kids”. That done it. The next morning, I found him packing it off.

It was amazing what a few experiences can do to a person. And yet we are so fast to complain of a situation. And yet we are so quick to question our creator. 

Sabeeha shoved the spoon in my mouth and I jumped up on shock. 

Sabeeha: will you stop dosing off and eat your food! 

Me: hmmm

Sabeeha: woman! Are you listening to me? 

Me: hmmm

I feel woozy. 

Sabeeha: and to think you are a mother! 

Me: (repeating what she said) I am a mother…

Sabeeha: (feeding me one more scoop) yep! Let that sink in.

Me: (scrunching my nose) I got married! 

Sabeeha: uhh yeah. Like almost a year now…

Me: I had a baby! 

Sabeeha: yeah. Like almost a day now…

I threw my head back and laughed hysterically. 

Me: oh my word. (Through tears) how did all this happen? 

I dont remember much after that. I just know that Sabeeha told me something about me on medication and then I was out. 

I thought about how fast time has gone by. Weeks have passed and life has finally returned to a stable pace. Regression to the mean as they call it. 

A nurse woke me to give Asmaa her feed. She drank her full and with a satisfied burp went of to sleep. I tucked her back in and watched as the nurse wheeled her out. I watched the clock tick. 

A few more hours and I would be out of this place. 

Like every surti girl, and probably every muslim girl, I was spending my confinement by my mummy’s house. As much as I would have all the help I need at home with Maseeha and Sabeeha just below, there was no way I would be able to bath a tiny baby. She was just too delicate and needed someone experienced for that kind of stuff. 

Also, I just felt like I needed some time to heal before I could get back into daily life. And what better place to rest other than mummy’s house? 

 Baby Asmaa was a bundle of joy. The kind that makes your heart scream out of happiness. Her every smile brings about a joyous atmosphere and her every cry makes everyone run to her aid. She has the most striking hazel eyes that I am pretty sure are from my mother in law and chubby cheeks that go tomato red when she laughs or cries. Her fingers and toes are so perfectly set out it looks almost fake. She has thin curly hair like her father and lush pink lips that fold adorably when she is upset. She is the epitome of adorableness. The epitome of happiness. 

It was almost as if where she went, happiness went. 

A bundle of joy. 

My life got crazy once I reached my mothers house. Visitors came and went in droves bringing sweet gifts and cooing over baby. As much as I appreciated the TLC from them, I was exhausted and just needed some alone time. I needed to breathe. I needed sleep. 

I sucked up my exhaustion and plastered a huge smile on my face, and sat up to talk to my family. Everyone looked so excited. 

Later that night I watched as Imraan watched my mother changed baby’s nappy and wrap her up in a cosy blankie. A smile danced on my lips and I gave him a nudge with my leg. 

Me: taking notes?

Imraan: no thank you. This is your job. 

Me: what happens if I am unable to do it? Whose gonna do it then? 

Imraan: there will be no such day

Me: but what if I am feeling out if it and I cant even sit up leave alone change a baby. 

Imraan: you can change her lying down 

Me: but what if my hands get paralyzed and I cant?

Imraan: oh my word Amira will you stop! 

I started laughing. 

Me: (pout) but you will change her at some time right? You are her father. 

Haha. The guilt card.

Imraan: (raising his eyebrow) maybe next baby

Me: thats unfair. How would you like it if your father changed Mas and didnt change you?

Imraan: (laughing) my father doesnt even know what a nappy looks like leave alone able to change one. 

I sighed. Looks like I lost this one. Bleh. 

Imraan: (smirk) maybe I will. 

Say what? 

Imraan: but only if you really cant and there is no other option. Like paralysis or something that has you unable to. 

Yoo he agreed to change a nappy. Or should I say nappies coz I doubt its gonna happen once. Not that I was planning on being paralyzed anytime soon. Just that me eating or busy with something is what I meant when I said paralyzed. But he didn’t need to know that now. 

Two weeks into my confinement period and I was a well trained mother. I learnt how to eat with one hand and sleep but at the same time not sleep. While I wasn’t getting sufficient sleep and I looked like someone punched me in both eyes I was happy. I felt happiness. I felt content. 

But while I was passing my days basking in contentment and enjoying being drama free, my friends and family were each facing a turmoil of their own that I was yet to find out about. Each of them facing challenges they never faced before. And each challenge was going to spin our lives all around…

Little did I know…

While I was relaxing on my soft couch and watching my beloved daughter have a peaceful sleep, one of my closest friends was making a life changing decision that would break the hearts of many…

Another was sitting at the hospital awaiting results that was going to turn her world upside down…

And one of them was taking a pull of something that would shatter her little heart…

A message to my SD family

Published August 23, 2016 by surtidiaries


Wow…

Its been ages since I have been here😌

I am not even going to comment on all of the comments👏🏻tbh I am afraid to even read them. 

Well, I guess I cant really blame you guys for ranting and raging about my irresponsibility right? After all, I do owe you all a huge apology. 

But apologies aside, you asked what happened?

And no, I did not die😌

I just had a crazy few months and now I am here to say that I am sorry. 

Is it too late to say sorry? 

Heres to the last few posts you guys are going to be seeing on surtidiaries🙊Im not sure how many more posts there will be, but you can be sure that it wont be too many. I have decided that surtidiaries needs to be rounded up and given one crazy big fat end. Just so we can all know in our hearts and minds that everything ended peacefully, or so we hope. 

Until next time👏🏻maaf again and remember me in your duas❤️

Look out for the next posts soon🙊

PART ONE HUNDRED AND ONE-…until you nearly lose it…

Published March 7, 2016 by surtidiaries

  

Life is amazing. And then its awful. And then its amazing again. And in between the amazing and the awful, its ordinary and mundane and routine. Breathe in the amazing, hold on through the awful and relax and exhale during the ordinary. Thats just living heartbreaking, soul-healing, amazing, awful, ordinary life. And its breathtakingly beautiful. 

Imraan held my hand tightly and smiled. We were standing on the pier and reminiscing our memories together. His warm hand ignited my entire body to the extent that I started to feel hot. I smiled as I thought about how I always teased him about his warm blood. 

Me: I wonder if the baby will be as warm blooded as you are. 

I turned to look at Imraan and saw the way his smile disappeared. I saw how his smile was suddenly replaced with a distant look. I saw how sadness was suddenly distinct on his face. Like he was reliving a nightmare. Like his heart just broke. Again.

Confused, I looked down at my tummy. At my baby. Our baby. Surely it couldn’t be what I said that would make him upset. He loved to be told that the baby would be like him. So why then did his expression go from contentment to broken in a matter of seconds?  

The glance down at my stomach was enough to wipe away my smile too. 

I stared for a while until the realization dawned me…

The color drained from my face and with tears in my eyes I looked up to Imraan. 

There was no baby. Not anymore. 

But I was confused. No baby? How? When? I don’t remember losing the baby? What happened to my baby and why cant I remember? All this confusion only made me even more confused. 

Imraan looked back at me with a solemn look. I let go of his hand and started to run. I didn’t know why I was running or where I was running to…all I knew was that I needed to get away from this moment. I needed an escape. 

My breathing started to get heavy and tears started to roll down my cheeks uncontrollably. My legs hurt. I could hear Imraan calling my name in the distance. The tears were flowing like crazy now and the view in front of me was a blur. I tried to strain my eyes but it made it worse. I stopped to take a breath and allowed myself to crumble to the ground in a heap of tears. Everything went black…

Imraan called me again. I could hear the panic and plea in his voice. I could hear sounds that I didn’t recognize, a beeping sound, like a machine of some sort. I could hear…I could feel Imraan’s warm hands in mine. It made me feel safe. I felt home. 

I felt myself go into a deep slumber but was jolted by a scream. It sounded like Sabeeha. Why was Sabeeha screaming? I tried to open my eyes to see but all that I could see was black. Again, I felt Imraan’s hand. This time on my cheek. I felt a drop of water touch my face. Nay, a tear touch my face. Was he crying? Why is Imraan crying? I tried to get up. I needed go get up. To comfort Imraan. But all that I could see was black. And no matter how hard I pushed, my body just wouldn’t cooperate with me. Once again, I felt Imraan’s hand in mine and I felt safe. I felt at home. 

I could hear a distant sound of someone reading. I recognized the ayats. It was Surah Ahzab. I strained my ears to listen carefully and heard an ayat that gripped my heart. 

“And put thy trust in Allah. And enough is Allah as a disposer of affairs.” 

I tried once again to get up and see who was reading but no matter how much I tried, I just couldn’t. Everything was black. 

The sounds around me were suddenly distant and all I could hear was the recitation of that ayat. The recitation stopped and I heard mumbling. Then I heard Sabeeha.

Sabeeha: (sigh) I had enough of waiting. Move let me get her up…come one Amira! I know you hearing me and I know you can hear Umayr reading! Im still surprised to have learnt that he is a hafiz! I doubt you knew that. Anyway…Get up Amz! Seriously, I didn’t pay one and a half grand for an emergency flight only to find you sleeping here like sleeping beauty!!!

I tried to smile, to laugh. To look at Sabeeha. But all I could see was black. 

I heard her snap her fingers in front of me. I wanted to reach out and tell her that I was awake but my hand wouldn’t reach out.  

Sabeeha: hey!! Come on get up old woman!! I said get up you hear me?? I said get up!

The room suddenly went silent. 

I heard a sniffle.

Sabeeha: and if you guys are wondering, I am not crying…there is just…something in my eye…

Another sniffle.

I started to fall asleep again, this time faster than before. My heart started to beat fast and I felt hot. Why was it so hot. My breathing got heavier.

I repeated that ayat again and again in my head. 

“Trust in Allah Amira! Trust in Allah!”

I tried with the little strength that I had to tear my eyes open. I didn’t have much hope. Who would have hope after trying and failing so many times. But I trusted. 

I started to fall in a slumber again after yet another failure. Trying so hard to get up was making me really tired. I was confused. So confused. 

When will this nightmare end? 

As I fell in slumber, I started to think. I tried to think back. To figure out what was happening. I didn’t do much thinking though. Because a loud bang jolted my every organ out of its slumber. My eyes shot open and I was never more thankful for the bright light that crowded my sight. I looked around me and saw a very unfamiliar surrounding. Machines. A sink. A door. A table with flowers and a bag. A chair. A glass of water. 

I was in hospital. 

With the realization, my every thought was in high definition. What happened? How? When? Why? 

Every question possible filled my head and I tried to lift my body up to see clearly. 

I spotted my tummy. And relief and confusion filled me at the same time. 

Relief to see that there was still a baby growing inside me. 

And confusion because I didn’t understand how? Didn’t I lose the baby? I was so confused. 

My throat felt dry and my eyes hurt. The door opened and in walked Sabeeha and Imraan. 

Imraan was scolding Sabeeha for something. He looked tired and frustrated. 

Imraan: but didn’t I tell you that the machine was broken??? What is wrong with you? You want the hospital to kick us out or what?? You need to control your…

He stopped mid-sentence and stared at me. They both stared at me. 

I tried to talk but no words came out so I just smiled and nodded at the jar of water that stood on the table nearby.

Sabeeha understood what I wanted and poured me a glass.

Sabeeha: (feeding me a sip of water) my word Amira! You gave us all a shock of our lives! I thought you were never going to wake up! 

Imraan came to my other side and gave me a hug. 

Imraan: You got me really scared babe. But dont you worry, you will get better and we will get you home in no time.

I had so much of questions to ask him. I was so confused. But no words would come out of my mouth. 

Imraan: (giving me a kiss on my forehead) you rest, Im going to call the doctor. (He looked at Sabeeha) try to behave while Im gone. 

Sabeeha rolled her eyes and Imraan closed the door behind him.

Sabeeha: so…any questions? 

Me: (my voice was hoarse and I struggled to get two words out) what happened??

Sabeeha: well…I wasn’t there but Umayr lived to tell the story. You apparently called Umayr and told him that you cant lose your baby and you were crying so Umayr ran up to see what was going on. Imraan and Maseeha was already there when he got to you and you passed out so both of them rushed you to the hospital. You’ve been unconscious since then. 

What? I was unconscious? As in a comatose unconscious? For how long? Why cant I remember anything? 

I closed my eyes to try and remember and then opened it again to ask Sabeeha for some clues that might help me remember.

Me: (whispering) how long? 

Sabeeha: how long what? 

Me: how long was I unconscious?

Sabeeha: well…you didn’t miss much but lets just say long enough. 

Please tell me it was hours and not days.

Sabeeha: dont worry you just missed a few weeks. Nothing you cant catch up on. 

WHAT! A FEW WEEKS!!!???? 

Me: (my eyes widening) what? Weeks? 

Before Sabeeeha could reply, the door opened and in ran Maseeha and my mother. My mother was in shambles but a huge grin plastered across her face when she saw me. 

Mum: my sweetheart. Its so good to see you awake. Gosh we were so worried.

Imraan followed behind with his mother. I soon gathered that the elderly man was the Doctor. 

Doctor: Mrs Motala! I see you have gained consciousness. (He pressed some buttons on the machine and stuck a needle into my arm. I closed my eyes and pierced my lips in pain) 

I felt a little dizzy.

Me: what is happening to me? 

Doctor: I need to keep your iron levels on par or you can easily fall into another one of todays episode. 

Urgh. I didnt want to know what he was doing. I wanted to know what was HAPPENING TO ME?

Imraan: is she going to be okay?

Doctor: she is fine. Dont stress yourselves out. Everything is going to be fine. 

His reassuring smile seemed to have worked for everyone and I watched all of them let out a silent sigh of relief. The doctor turned to me with a smile and left us alone. 

Imraan: so? How are you feeling?

Me: well…aside from the fact that I missed a couple of weeks in my life I feel fine. Normal at least. 

They all looked at me confused.

Imraan: a few weeks of your life?

Me: uhh yeah. Sabbii told me I was out for a while…

I turned to look at Sabeeha and and she looked away with a cheeky smirk. 

Maseeha: yeah a while as in a couple of hours. It sure is still the Sunday you passed out on. 

Sabeeha: I might have exaggerated your comatose a little. 

Everyone laughed. 

Me: I am so confused.

Imraan glared at Sabeeha. 

Imraan: You passed out this morning. Don’t worry, you were not in a coma for any more than a day.

Maseeha: is it normal for her to be this confused?

Imraan: she has had alot of medication. Maybe she just needs some rest. 

They all agreed and left me to have a rest as per my husbands request. My mother whispered her reassurance that everything will be okay soon before she left. 

Imraan stayed behind, he satdown on the coach next to my bed. 

Imraan: you okay?

Me: yeah. Im fine. Ive just had a very confusing morning. 

Imraan: tell me about it. (Sigh) 

*silence*

Me: when am I going to be out of this place? 

Imraan: the doctor said latest tomorrow.

Me: Im sorry you have to go through all this.

Imraan: no. I am sorry that you are going through so much. I never knew what a huge responsibility it is for someone to carry a baby. 

Me: (smile) it will all pay off in the end. 

Imraan: I sure hope so. 

Me: how is the baby doing? Did the doctor say anything?

Imraan: he said the baby is fine. He had a small problem finding the baby on the scan at first which nearly ruined me. But Alhamdulillah, he found the baby. Well and healthy. Growing like an angel. 

I chose not to tell him about my nightmares. 

Instead, I smiled and rested my head back on the bed. My baby was going to be okay. 

The night at the hospital was dreadful. The food was bad, my back ached with the hard bed and I couldn’t get proper sleep. I couldn’t wait to get home.   

They discharged me the next morning with clear instructions to stay in bed for a few days and take well care of myself. Imraan took off that Monday to stay with me. The rest of the week, sabeeha was with me during the day and Imraan was back home by afternoon. Everyone fussed and worried about me. I got calls from people that I didn’t even know properly. It was good to know that when times were hard, I could count on the people around me for support. I appreciated all the help, advise and kind regards people gave me. It motivated me to get better faster. And by Friday I was almost back on my two feet. The fainting episode almost put behind me. 

Everything was slowly falling back into normality. Or something close to normality.

I rested my head on Imraans chest and ran my fingers up and down his stomach. 

Me: I still cant believe I passed out and ended up in hospital. 

Imraan: you got all of us scared. You got me scared.

Me: I know. I got myself scared too. 

Imraan: (giving me a kiss on my forehead) well…I am glad that you are better. I hate to see you sick.

Me: you know when I was asleep or unconscious or whatever you call it. I had this really horrid dream about losing the baby.

Imraan: thats why you were so confused when I mentioned the baby when you woke up? 

I modded and told him exactly what happened in the dream. 

Me: It was horrible Imraan. I couldn’t bear the pain. 

Imraan: (giving me a tight squeeze) Heyyy. Don’t you worry. Nothing is going to happen to our little baby okay. We will make sure of that.

(He pushed my hair behind my ear and smiled at me reassuringly) 

I sighed. 

A long silence followed and my mind wandered onto Maseeha. 

Me: hey, still no news from Ismail? 

Imraan shook his head. 

Imraan: I’m beginning to draw negative conclusions. 

Me: dont say that. Maybe he just needs more time. 

Imraan: its been almost a week Amira! And still no calls. We all know what that means…

I looked out at the ship in the distance and watched the lights blink. It looked so lovely as the lights reflected and danced on the water. 

Me: I hope you wrong. 

Imraan: (sigh) I hope so too. 

We both kept silent and I could hear the ticking of the clock on the wall. I turned my head to rest it on the pillow and closed my eyes. This week has been crazy for all of us.

Maseeha was going crazy waiting. She couldn’t concentrate on anything. She didn’t say much but we picked it up when she came upstairs to see me. I wouldn’t blame her, but no matter how much you want something to happen, all you can do is wait. And usually waiting is the hardest part. 

Sabeeha was back in Durban and still as witty and annoying as ever. But all of us new that we couldn’t live a day without her and that big mouth of hers. She and Zaid went on the entire Monday with their banter. Then Zaid went missing. And nobody knows where he is. Umayr told us not to stress, that he will be fine and that he just needs some space. Lol. When he told us that Sabeeha rolled her eyes and muttered something about how we are not in some relationship that he would need space. Umayr just stared at her for a while and then went on to tell us the rest. 

Apparently, Zaid and his mother dont get along very well and whenever it came to the time when Zaid would see her he would go missing for days. It was just Zaids way of getting some air. So we all let him be wherever he was. Sabeeha was clearly annoyed the first few days but then she too chilled and realised Zaid didn’t want to be found. 

Naseema had her own thing going on on her side of the world too. Her mother in law was very ill and she spent her days and nights in and out of the hospital. She came in to visit me a few times but had to run off quickly. What can I say? When duty calls you got to pack up and go. 

But not all was bad. Muhammed took his first steps this week. It was exciting news to know because he was a little bit delayed compared to the usual. I guess he just needed some time to get up on his two feet. 

My mind relaxed as I reminded myself that nothing lasts forever. And I took comfort in knowing that this crazy few days wouldn’t go on forever and that life would return to a good pace soon.  

After a while I felt Imraan turn too. He placed his hand on my tummy and whispered to me. 

Imraan: I love you

Me: (smile) I love you too…

Sabeeha’s musings- Every heart has a story to tell…

Published February 20, 2016 by surtidiaries

Hellow fellow mellows. 

*taps mike* 

*clears throat* 

Before you go ahead and read this super super super long and amazing post I would like to just send out my greatest thanks to the worlds best whatsapp group mummy. Our Mazoo. The author of one of the greatest blog of all time, Life love destiny

Thank you for all the times I kept you up till so late writing. Thank you for understanding when I was too tired and couldn’t stay up to write. Thank you for lending Nemo to me. Thank you for being the best ever. This post wouldn’t be possible without you so thank you from the very bottom of my heart. 

Also thank you to the author of taking my life as it comes for the fabulous invite to the wedding of Ayaaz and Reez. 

I do hope all you lovelies enjoy this post as much as I enjoyed writing it. Don’t forget to drop me your thoughts and comments down below in the comment section.

Enjoy💃🏻😘😘

   
Do you ever miss someone so much that it physically hurts your heart to feel it? You happy and you doing well. You have some time to yourself, when you let your mind wander for a bit. When you actually let the memories sink into your heart and actually feel your feelings- its this unbearable fusion of anger, pain, hurt, grief and confusion. You want to express it but at the same time you don’t. Missing someone is one of the most weakening emotions a human heart can experience, no matter how strong the heart may be. It makes you realize how much you love someone. And whether you verbally admit it or not, the truth echoes through every crevice of your heart. You can love someone so much. But you can never love them as much as you can miss them.

Yes I fell. And I refuse to admit it to her but Amira was right. It wasn’t even my fault so you cant really blame it on my lack of balance in heels. It all happened when we squeezed ourselves onto the stage to greet the bride and groom. The stage was kind of small to fit all of us and when one of the guys lost his balance it caused this domino effect. Sadly, I was the last domino to be knocked and well lets just say I didn’t have anyone to hang onto and so I grabbed the closest thing, the vase display. This ended in a tragic fall which some clever person thought it was a brilliant idea to fill up with marbles. Yes I dropped all the marbles across the stage and off the floor causing a chaotic noise to which all the inquisitive guests glared at me in utter shock. Seriously, they were looking at me like I just dropped the bride down. I guess you can say I had a marbelous fall! Sigh.

I knocked my heel on the ground as I waited impatiently for yet another waffle of mine to be ready. I had already downed a mango and granadilla one and even tried a savory waffle. I was beginning to love this idea of a waffle and pancake bar. It was the best ever. 

The light blinked to give me a sign that my waffle was ready and I flipped open the lid and tossed the waffle onto the large plate I had in my hand. Hmmm…what should I top it with? 

I pasted three huge blobs of ice cream and put a little of every topping there was. Dare to be different…

Maybe I should talk Imraan into making me one of these in the flat. It could be my present for his fatherhood.  

With a huge grin on my face, I turned around to face the busy hall…

Ayaaz and Reez’s wedding was in full swing and the hall buzzed with all the yapping and screaming. I was really enjoying myself and the only regret I had was the fact that I didnt bring along an ice cream tupperware and dhall spoon. You might ask why? Well…there was this Ice cream Machine that dispensed ice cream free of charge! Literally free of charge. It required absolutely no money to give you ice cream, not even a cent. And you could dispense how much you want. That was what they said anyway. The only thing was that these clever-jack caterers had the tiniest ice cream bowls that they could lay their hands on and that made it a tad difficult to “dispense how much you want!”. Hence, the reason I wish I had an ice cream tupperware and dhall spoon. 

A group of girls walked by and I heard one of them make a comment about how I was the girl who had the “marbelous fall” and how she doesn’t know how I would sleep at night after such an embarrassment. I smirked and winked and they scurried away in shock. Haha. Did they really think I would be embarrassed by such a dumb thing? 

I turned around only to bump into Zaid. Argh. What was he doing here anyway? How and when did he even get here? 

I understand that he was Ayaaz’s friend and stuff but I just felt so irritated by his presence. I just didn’t feel like seeing him today. I didn’t feel like seeing anyone today. There was only one person I wanted to see. But I could never see. Not today. Not tomorrow. Not ever…

Zaid: well well well…if it isn’t the tumbling Sabeeha.

Me: (rolling my eyes) Zaid…

Zaid: yes its me. You seem fazed by my presence? Am I blocking your view of tuxedo guy? 

I looked at him questioningly.

Zaid turned and pointed his head to someone who’s back was facing ours.

Zaid: tuxedo guy? You seem to be oogling all over him. 

The guy turned a little and I realised who Zaid was talking about. Nemo. Great. This day is just going great! Pfft. 

Me: ohhhhh Nemo? 

Zaid: (amused) yess ohhhhhh Nemo! Thats a weird name for a guy if you ask me. 

Me: his name is Naeem.

Zaid: aah I see. So you two have a thing going on?

Me: what? No! Don’t be silly. He is just some guy. And anyway, how does it affect you?

Zaid: (holding his chest and feigning pain) Aah It hurts my heart to think you would love any other but me cupcake! 

HE used to call me cupcake…argh stop thinking about him! What is wrong with me today???

Me: (rolling my eyes) whatever. My ice cream is melting so if you will excuse me, I am going to enjoy this waffle of mine. 

I pushed a very confused Zaid aside and strutted away. More like waddled away in this heels. 

Some people were still busy taking out pictures while many had already left the hall. I found an empty table and sat down to gobble. I was still in the middle of my waffle when my phone rang. Conference call. Sigh. 

Me: you guys better have a good explanation for this call. I am in the middle of something here! (I gathered a piece of waffle, ice cream and strawberries and shoved it into my mouth while I listened to them) 

Naseema: whats up Amira? Did you go into labour?

Saffiyya: don’t be mad, she is only five months! 

Naseema: oh. Right. 

Amira: guys! MASEEHA MIGHT BE GETTING MARRIED!!!

What??? Oh my word just what? My Masuuu was getting married! 

Me: oh my word what????

Saffiyya: Wow this is the good news!!!

Naseema: Oh I even forgot the samosa run was today!

Wait. She said “might” be getting married! 

Me: You seriously called to say might get married? You know I might become the Queen one day but you don’t see me announcing it now do you?

Maseeha: well its not fully confirmed but yeah…I am positive that he is the one!

We all congratulated her on her “maybe its a yes” and ended the call. Trust these girls to get excited for everything. Psssht Maseeha is getting married. Mxm. They don’t even know the difference between is and might! 

And I thought Amira was sick? Haha yep she is “lets plan a wedding” sick. Speaking of weddings, this one was pretty cool if you asked me. If only I was in the mood…

I heard a cough and looked up to see Zaid. Again. 

This time he brought a pancake with him. He smiled and sat down. I grinned back at him and took a huge piece off his plate and into my mouth it went. Yum.

Zaid: jeez. You eat alot for a girl. 

Jeez could he be silent and let me enjoy this pancake? 

Me: (licking my spoon) whats that supposed to mean? 

Zaid: (shrug) that you eat a lot.

Me: I know that!

We watched Reez and Ayaaz come off the stage to take a few more photographs. 

Zaid: so we still on for next week?

Me: huh? Whats next week?

Zaid: my mothers function. You promised to come with.

Oops.

Me: oh yeah. I guess. 

Zaid: thank you! 

Me: sure. What are friends for right? 

I turned to look at him and his smile faded. I looked at him questioningly but he shrugged of whatever seemed to get to him and grinned back at me. 

After a while Zaid got up to go. He offered me a lift home but I declined telling him that I already had one. I could have went with him but I just needed to sit around and be to myself for a while. I greeted him and told him I would see him in Durban and he took off. 

I greeted a teary Reez who looked dazzling and wished the bride and groom all the best for their future together. 

Bored, I took a walk out of the hall and into the garden. I sat on the bench with a sigh. A vague image of Muhammed Aqeel came to mind and I mumbled in annoyance. 

Me: I refuse to be sad okay! I am happy! Exactly how you would have liked to see me! 

I looked around me and realized I was talking to myself. Gosh. Pathetic. 

I laughed. 

Me: hah! I am talking to myself! Great! Just great! 

I heard a shuffle and looked around to see who it was. I was relieved when I discovered that it was a cat. Any person would just think I had lost my marbles talking to myself. 

It started to get dark so I walked up to the front of the hall. I should probably call my driver. And so I did. But it just rang and rang. 

I sat on the bench and sighed, pressing dial for the twelfth time. Answer you silly taxi man!

The taxi service I was using was not answering my calls and I was beginning to imagine his death scene before me. It was getting really late and my mind was on overdrive. Probably all that waffles and pancakes I stuffed myself with. I started regretting eating that last pancake. Or maybe it was what this day meant. Maybe it was how this day always brought back memories that I had chosen to bury a long time ago and yet somehow always resurfaced every year on this day. Arghh!

I slammed my phone on my palm as if he would somehow feel the pain and answer the call. How on earth am I supposed to get home?

I jumped when I heard a voice. 

“Sabeeha?”

I glanced up to find Nemo standing in front of me. 

Nemo: What are you doing? (He asked curiously) 

Yess…this was my chance…to get to my Bed and breakfast! My home for the weekend! 

Me: Nemooo!! (I looked down at my phone) I was just uhh trying to call my driver…
Yes I was trying to sound all classy but whats to lose? I needed a ride home! 

Nemo: And…? (looking around as though he was expecting my driver to just magically appear)

Is it natural to feel this comfortable around him? 

Gosh he reminds me of something so vaguely familiar! Why cant I remember what???

Me: And he doesn’t seem to have any fear of death because he is not answering my calls!

Oh. My. Word. Are those muscles I see? So he works out! 

Nemo: so say it then (he grinned)

Was he seriously expecting me to ask? What a gentleman. Pfft.

Me: So…can I… Can you…can you tie your shoe lace? You going to trip!

Hah! Did he think I was going to ask? Hell no. Come on Nemo! Man up and offer me a lift mahn! 

Nemo rolled his eyes at me and bent down to tie his shoe lace. And I couldn’t stop staring. You know, a guy sort of kneeling down…what’s a girl to do? I had no idea exactly why I was so drawn to him from the very word go…and I suddenly felt conscious of myself. What was going on with me? 

Nemo: ok? 

I knew that he was waiting for me to ask him for a damn lift but I kinda wanted him to offer…duh gentleman rule number one!

Gosh! Could this guy take a hint already?

Me: Urhm…So you came here with your car?”

Uhh duh? Whats he going to come with? His helicopter? Although that wouldn’t be so bad…

Nemo: No I walked the whole 20 kms actually (he grinned) 

Typical. 

Me: No wonder you look so pale!

Wait! He is really pale! Argh, its probably the bad lighting here. So dim lights. 

Nemo: (asking me cheekily) Would you like me to walk you home sabi? 

Me: (playing along) I thought you would never ask!

Yes!!! Im going home! Goodbye heels!! Hello bed!!!

Goodbye waffle and pancake bar!

I turned around to look at the hall one more time and then followed him. 

Nemo had me walk next to him all the way towards the exit of the large car park…was he bloody serious? ??did he really come walking? ?? Crap! What have I gotten myself into!

Me: Wait! (He paused and turned to me with a smirk) My heels. I cant walk in them! (Pause) Please be kind and take me to your car Nemo!

There! I said it! Stupid guy!!! 

Nemo: you see! It wasn’t so hard was it? (and he laughed as though he had heard the funniest thing ever)

Me: Argh whatever. Just lets go already?

Nemo: Drama queen (he mumbled as he let out a huge sigh and then opened the door of his car for me)

I stood still for a second

Nemo: Need it in writing? 

Me: Actually yes! I want you to write it in icing, over a cake! 

Gosh I was really lame when I had too much sugar to eat! 

Nemo: Keep eating cake and you’ll end up looking like it (he chuckled at his joke and I just stared at him) (he stopped laughing and sighed) just get in the car! 

I rolled my eyes and got in. 

Nemo drove out and I watched him as he held the steering wheel firmly and guided the car so gracefully out if the car park. 

And for the first time on this day I actually saw him properly.

He looked different from the last time

Like something in him changed

Or something in him didnt change?

He looked…

He looked detached. 

Like he somehow detached himself from the world around him?

How did I never see this side of Nemo before?

Had he not made this side visible before?

Did I miss something?

Nemo: whatever it is you can ask you know (he smiled, But it was a different smile, it reminded me of a crack on a canvas…woah chill your imagination Sabeeha) 

And I was suddenly feeling very overwhelmed.

Nemo: (carrying on) Like do you need the aircon, or more ice cream or coffee etc etc?

I didn’t need all of that….

But it would buy me time…

Time for what…I couldn’t say

But I wanted time…For some reason. I needed more time

Me: (after a long while) You wanna get some coffee?

Wait that was a fast move sabeeha

Me: I could use some considering all the sugar I had today! 

Nemo: Why? do you drink your coffee without sugar? (he raised his eyebrow at me) 

Ew!

Me: No!! It will help me to uhh get soberfied! I think im a little high! 

And Nemo burst out laughing!

I think I am a little high! Wait did I say that aloud? 

Nemo:Something is wrong with you! 

You don’t say! 

Me: Have you got a pen and paper?

Nemo: On the side of the door….what are you doing? 

Me: You going to need one To take down all the things wrong with me! 

Nemo: Unbelievable! Sabeeha you are a piece of work madam! (He shook his head and laughed) 

It gave me a sense of victory to know that I made him laugh. 

Ew look at me getting all excited because a guy laughed at me. Get a hang on it Sabeeha! 

Me: Correction…piece of art! (Pause) Wait!

He looked at me waiting.

Me: Why do you carry pens and papers around in your car? (I looked at him questioningly)

Nemo: (suddenly speaking softly) Oh the pen and paper (pause) Aara insists that I keep one in my car incase I need to jot down someone’s number plate in case of an emergency.

Oh so he is a guy of caution…interesting. 

Me: Thats clever! But you also have a phone for that!

Nemo: you can’t rely on technology the way you can on good old black and white (he smiled as though he was remembering something) 

And he is wise! 

Me: Yeah yeah fine. You have a point. So are we going for coffee?

I have to admit. I was really in need of some caffeine right now. 

Or…maybe I just didn’t want to be alone with my thoughts just yet. Could this day end already? 

Why did I suddenly feel like this? A sudden irritation…I just couldn’t put my finger on it! 

We found ourselves at the cafe sitting across each other. What am I even doing? What am I trying to get out of this? 

Nemo stirred his cappuccino slowly and I looked into mine awkwardly.

I began to wonder if this was a bad idea.

I felt clouded by the thoughts that filled my head. 

What was going on with me?

Nemo: (suddenly breaking the silence) So what’s your story Sabeeha?  

I took a sip before I could answer him hoping that the caffeine would fill my veins and make me feel better but instead it just burnt my tongue. Crap.

Me: Well I dont have much of a story. Born and raised here. Mother left when I was ten. Dad remarried in Durban and carted me along. Thats Pretty much it! 

Nemo: I’m sorry (he lifted his eyes to meet mines. And he didn’t flinch at all) 

Me: you don’t have to apologize for my mother being a jerk! 

I shrugged off the sudden feeling to pour my heart out to him and decided to ask him about himself.

Me: What about you? You look like you’ve had a lot of adventures.  

I couldnt be selfish. The guy looked like he needed a shoulder to punch.

But he persisted. 

Nemo: What’s YOUR story Sabeeha. (This time he said it slowly) 

And so I sat with this stranger who in a matter of weeks became a friend and told him my story. The truth about me. The old me. The me before I had been stupid to think that my mummy would never leave me. The me before I had faced a heartbreak that broke me in ways that was indescribable. The me before “he” left…

I had only ever opened up about my story once before. To the girls back home. I found it hard to confide. That was just how it was. 

I liked it this way anyway, nobody pitied me or judged me. Nobody could bring up the past I had buried the day we buried him. 

Me: (sigh) when I was ten years old, my mum found out that my dad was going through a hard time financially. His business was falling apart and he was slowly heading for bankruptcy. Maybe he felt embarrassed to tell her or maybe he was just trying to save her from any stress or burdens, I don’t know but he didn’t tell her. It wasn’t long till the community was talking and she had found out. And so she left. My mother ran away because she was scared of being poor. She was scared of poverty. She was scared that the love of her family wouldn’t be enough to pay her bills. But We didn’t end up bankrupt. My dad worked day and night and got back on his two feet, he fought so hard to get his business back. And he did. We weren’t put in the position that he feared, we weren’t poverty stricken. Yeah maybe we were fine financially but I was poverty stricken when it came to having a mothers love and care. So I became my own mother. While I suffered the loss of my mother in my life, my best friend celebrated the birth of his sister. I was young, naive and brave. I chose to celebrate with him rather than sulk over my mothers absence in my life. We became closer that year. The year my mother ran away. He and I grew closer over the years and my dad and I took care of ourselves. I helped him and he helped me. He taught me well.I always wanted him to marry again. Not that I needed a mother. I was doing fine. But my dad wasn’t.My best friend, Muhammed Aqeel and I would try and find him a bride but we failed multiple times. We eventually gave up. My dad would never get over my mother. Or so we thought…(I smiled) he married last year. And he is happy. (Sigh) he was heartbroken when I was heartbroken too. I guess when you only have one person to hang onto, they become part of you. Their happiness is your happiness. Their sadness is your sadness.

Nemo: YOU were heartbroken? 

Me: (laugh) Believe it or not I was. Muhammed Aqeel was the light of my life, he was my escape, my happiness. Where he was, I was. He was the smile to my face and the beat to my heart. And through every trial and every victory, Muhammed Aqeel was there right next to me. Helping me through and cheering me on. He made me happier than anyone ever did or ever could. And so, like half of the world, I fell for the one person I said I would never fall for. My best friend. (Nemo looked away for a second and then looked back at me waiting for me to carry on) I fell in love, just like I said I never would. And and I was devastated when he left too. Only he didn’t have a choice of staying like my mother did…After I realized I had feelings for him I started to avoid him because I didn’t know what to do. And then I found out that he too had feelings for me. He wanted to get married. (Nemo raised an eyebrow and I sighed) I was naive. Dont judge. 

Nemo: (holding his hands up) I didn’t say anything.

Me: anyway his parents flipped. They said we were too young and we didn’t know what we were doing. But we were already in love. And when you learn to love someone there is no turning back. Its all you know and all you will ever know. His parents gave us the excuse that he didn’t have a job hoping that I would decide against marrying him because of that. Any other girl would have agreed and said that they would wait for him to get a job. But not me. Because that would not make me any better than my mother. What she did kept on playing in my mind and I told my father. He agreed to help us and speak to Muhammed Aqeel’s parents. we made a plan that we were sure would work. But that plan was never carried out. Because in that week, the Friday after our final exam I got a call that shattered my heart into a million little pieces. Into more pieces than my heart was made of. Muhammed Aqeel was no more…

Nemo looked down in silence. Pin drop silence. Did I confess too much? What was he going to think about me? Should I have told him? Wait…it’s not something that I am ashamed of! Argh why did I even tell him all of this? Say something!!!!

And as if he had heard me…

Nemo: Looking at you, I would never have expected to have heard this…but I guess we judge people at face value don’t we….I’m really sorry Sabi….I’ve never imagined that behind your smile and witty comments….lay a broken heart.
I didn’t look up now either. My mind was drifting further and further away…towards Muhammed Aqeel. His face flashed in my mind as though I had seen him just seconds ago. And all at once, an image of Nemo came to mind even though he was sitting right in front of me.

Nemo: I guess every person has a story deep within their heart (his voice was soft and cautious) 

And just at that moment, I looked up at his face and into his eyes.

And it was as though Muhammed Aqeel was sitting in front of me all over again, with the very same twinkle in his eyes. And then it hit me…the reason why I felt the need to pour my heart out to him…the reason why I was so desperate to spend more time with him…

I started to look closely at him and saw how similar his features were. He had a much broader forehead and a more manly jawline, but the similarity was there alright. 

Me: I guess so…

Me: (pause) can I ask you something?

Nemo: Of course you can..

Me: what would you have done?

Nemo looked away for a good few seconds . He then took a sip of his coffee, paused , took another sip and held the cup between his hands….as though it would burn straight into his heart.

While I waited for Nemo to answer my question, I tried to make sense of what just happened. Why was I even comparing nemo to muhammed Aqeel? Yeah they looked similar but so what? That doesn’t make them the same person! 

Nemo: I don’t know…she is alhamdulillah still very much alive…but I feel as though I am dying every day…

I looked at him, confused by his answer. 

And then I realised what he was talking about…

I realised who he was talking about…

It’s not as though it didn’t cross my mind before. I guess sometimes we choose to ignore the truth. 

Nemo: When you’re with someone for 18 years…it’s a little difficult to see yourself without them for the rest of your life (he said it with a distant look in his eyes) 

And at this very point…my heart broke. My heart broke for myself, because I never got the goodbye I deserved with Muhammad Aqeel. My heart broke for Nemo and what he was going through. My heart broke for every lady that was shattered by her man and every man that was shattered by his lady. My heart broke for every friendship that ended without an explanation or a mere goodbye. My heart broke for every breaking heart…

And for the first time in a very long time I had no words. No words that could heal such wound. 

We both sat in silence for a while, our minds wandering into the horrendous land of what ifs and whys.

Nemo suddenly broke the long silence.

Nemo: What is it that they say?…There is a light at the end of the tunnel..I guess we’ll just have to keep walking until we get there (he smiled)

Me: you really believe that stuff? (Laugh) I mean come on…the guys that quote those don’t even know an inch about heartbreak right? 

Nemo: Naah…someone’s heart would have had to have been broken for that quote to materialise for sure

I looked up at him in earnest. Did he really believe that? I mean yeah I healed. Yeah I recovered. But there is a hole. There will always be this big fat hole in my heart. And no matter how many lights at the end of my tunnel, not one of then would be able to fill it. 

Me: so what happens now?

Me: where to from here for you?

Nemo: Away from her…that’s my only salvation (his tone struck a part of my heart) 

Nemo: Call me a coward if you must but I guess it’s my way of healing…Can I ask you something 

Me: (I took a long sip) yeah. Sure

Nemo: This front…This attitude…why? Are you not ever going to let anyone in?

Me: its the only way people will stop worrying about me. I have had my fair share of grievances but so what? So did everyone. When he first passed away I went into a major phase of depression and shut the world out. And then I realized that it was unfair. It was unfair to go on living my life like a morbid soul, I had a chance to life, something not everyone had. I do let people in, just not every single soul that passes my way. Its not that easy I guess.

There was a long pause and I could hear the distant click of the coffee machine every time a drink was made.

Me: its not that I dont trust people. I mean I trust the restaurants to make my food and the driver to drive my car so that should say something . But I think, when you lose someone, a part of you gets lost too. And the person you once was can never be. You lose a part of you that you can never get back. (I shrugged) I guess the trusting person I once was never came back.

Nemo: that I can relate to….and maybe I’m not the best person to give anyone advice but you’re different…and you need to let your guard down a bit (he smiled) allow yourself the liberty to cry about it, let your friends in to your heartache…you don’t shut it in the past and pretend it didn’t exist….I think Muhammad Aqeel would have wanted you to do that

Me: maybe I will. Who knows. When you put it like that, it does make more sense to let it all out. I guess the closure that I didn’t get always stopped me from thinking up the past. It just….hurt too much to ponder upon. You know, sometimes I do allow myself to think about it. On days like this…and I realised over time that maybe…just maybe what I went through was for my own betterment. Was for my own success. Because the me now compared to the me then are teo completely different people. Strangers. And If I can allow myself to say, I am a better me now than the me before. (Smile). I think muhammed aqeel would be proud of me. And I do hope that years or even months from now you can say the same Nemo. Because it would hurt me to think that you would allow yourself to stay on the ground. I do hope that you choose to use this as a lesson and rise. Rise higher than before and become the best version of yourself. 

I stopped to allow him to digest what I was saying. 

Me: and Nemo. I understand what you mean when you say that you want to be as far away from her as possible but think about it. Aara is your best friend, you guys were meant to cross paths since birth. It would hurt her so much if you’d had to break off complete contact. Dont lose what I never had. Dont leave her with unanswered questions and no closure.

Nemo nodded and looked down

Nemo: I will try…if you promise me that you will too.

I kept silent for a while and we sat in comfortable silence. Thinking. Pondering. Contemplating.

Sitting across Nemo and watching him in this silence made me realize something. It made me realize what letting go meant. Because I knew that once we got up from this place and I was dropped off to reality, I wouldn’t go back to my past again. Its not that I would forget all of it. Nor would I be blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts. No, I would cherish the memories, overcome them and move on. 

I would accept. I would be thankful for the experience that made me laugh, cry and grow. 

And suddenly, I was prepared to let it all go and grow up. To open a door, clear a path and to set myself free…

I smiled at Nemo. I was very thankful for what he gave me tonight. He gave me a chance to let out all that was bottled up inside me for four years. He thought me what letting go meant. And he gave me the chance to say the goodbye that I never got the chance to say.

Me: (grin) I will try my very best

And as suddenly and surprisingly as this entire conversation began, it ended just as swiftly. Giving rise to a new hope and giving meaning to the words that people do come into our lives for a reason. And while I didn’t know exactly which reason to pin this on, I was pretty sure that this conversation was the very stepping stone to finding peace again…For both of us.

 

Authors note: 

*sigh* 

So…

Was that a good post or what?

For all those waiting to see whats happened to Amira, it shall be in the next post💃🏻

Drop me your thoughts and comments in the comment section below my fellow mellows. I look forward to reading what you guys have to say about this fab collab. 

Much love❤️

PART ONE HUNDRED- you never know how important something is…

Published February 15, 2016 by surtidiaries

  Have you ever heard about regression to the mean? We are all real life examples of regression to the mean. Life cant be all good or all bad. Eventually things have to come to the middle. But it cant stay at the middle either. At some point, the scale has to tip one way or the other. And it has to either get good. Or bad. Everything in life is temporary. If things are going good enjoy it. If things are going bad, don’t worry. Nothing lasts forever. Its a phenomenon. No matter how bad things get or how good. Things always come back to the middle.  

The scenery on the way back home is my favorite part of the journey. Apart from all the food that we stuff our faces with. Friday arrived faster than we imagined and before we knew it, we were heading back home after a very adventurous trip. We had fights- Sabeeha and Zaid fought mostly, we had laughter- that games night was the most I ever laughed, we had adventure- we talking jets skis and paragliding, we had drama- the car broke down on our way from ushaka…and we had fun! All in all, it was a fantastic week. 

Now we had to get back home and make some samosas for the samosa run. 

The samosas are made but you get what I mean. Poor Maseeha is stressed like hell. And to top it all, Sabeeha as usual has yet another wedding to attend. This girl was drawn to weddings like Indians are drawn to sales. Apparently its a last minute wedding and she absolutely has to go. Drama queen. 

She decided to wear the dress that she wore for Naseema’s wedding because there was not much time to go outfit hunting. She borrowed my heels to go with it. I made a silent prayer that she doesn’t have any slip ups. We all knew how bad Sabeeha was in heels. Its like watching a guy wear heels for the first time. And that is her every time. 

She gets “blisters” with wedge heels, only Allah knows what she was going to get in a pencil heel. Marble size blisters. 

The guys got ready and headed off for jummah salaah while we all read at the penthouse. We got the salads and marinated all the meat when we were done and then sat down and joined Saffiyya with taleem. Once the guys were back we sat down to have a light lunch. roast chicken and lemon rice. My mother in law made pasta. She joined us for lunch and told us all about Ismail. She was beaming from ear to ear and was ecstatic. We all were ecstatic.  

The braai was lovely minus the part where we all were exhausted and had a hectic day coming up. Maseeha was going to stay the night at her parents so that she can be there to sort herself out in the morning. She told me that she had a very good feeling about tomorrow when she hugged me to go. Saffiyya and naseema lazed at the pool area with me while Sabeeha sat in the pool. Baby muhammed was with us too, Zaakir picked him up after zuhr and brought him. He was so excited to see his mother but went beserk when he saw Sabeeha. This little guy was Sabiis biggest fan in the whole wide world. His biggest smiles and laughs came out when he was with her. He never left her once he was with her and every single visit ended in tears when he had to part with her. It was so cute. 

Me: so when are you leaving sabii? Isn’t the wedding is tomorrow? 

Sabeeha: yep. I leave at two.

Me: (beeg eyes) what? Two in the morning? Howcome?

Naseema: are you crazy, you going to be exhausted. 

Sabeeha: its just an hours flight guys. Stop being so dramatic. It was the only one available at this last hour.

Naseema: you better put an ice pack to remove the bags and use that concealer I packed in the vanity for you. Dont forget your bangles are in the front zip and make sure you wear that bracelet I left in there. 

Yes! She got naseema to pack her bags for her. Lazy goat. 

Sabeeha: yesss mummy. Thank you mummy. (Grin) 

Naseema: and keep us on speed dial in case you have an incident in those heels!

Sabeeha: uhh don’t you think it will make more sense to keep the ambulance on speed dial considering you so many kilometers away? 

Naseema: no you gonna need to call me and apologize for all the pain you have caused us before you die.

Sabeeha splashed water on her and we all got wet. We started screaming at her and she finally stopped. 

Sabeeha: I wont fall guys. Trust me I practiced walking. 

Me: if she falls I hope its in front of Nemo so she can say she literally fell for him. 

Naseema: no she already fell for Zaid!

Sabeeha: ew he is such a creep!
We carried on teasing her and she splashed us till we were soaked. Yusuf and Zaakir were ready to leave so Naseema and Safiyya headed out. Sabeeha tried to hide from Muhammed but he was too clever and spotted her. Like I said, every visit ends in tears. 
I felt bad to call Maseeha on 

Saturday morning and tell her that I wont make it to be there. I was really not feeling well at all. I threw up, cried in extreme pain, sweated, cried and had high fever. I felt like I was going to die. 

Imraan helped me get cleaned up and propped me in bed with clear instructions to call him if I felt any worse. With a kiss and a promise to be back as soon as he could, he was off. For the samosa run that I was missing. 

I sat in bed reading a book.

Sabeeha called me before the wedding.

Sabeeha: okay so I might have been wrong. These shoes are really killer heels. Its killing me!!!

Me: so change it then madame!

Sabeeha: I would if I could. Im already at the hall.

Me: but I thought you said the wedding didn’t start yet?

Sabeeha: yeah well I was done early so I came. These waffles are boss!!!

Me: lemme guess…you went to milky lane in your poofy dress?

Sabeeha: more like milkylane came to me baybay!!! This wedding has a waffle bar! We are having this at Masuuss wedding! 

Me: (laugh) we will need to cater for double the amount considering the amount of waffles you will stuff your face with. 

Sabeeha: OHHH MYYYY WORDDDDD!!!

Me: what now? 

Sabeeha: THEREE IS A PANCAKE BAR!!!! (Pause) What you never heard a girl scream before? 

Me: huh?

Sabeeha: no. Some weirdos were staring at me like I was a ghost or something.

Me: oh (laugh) 

Sabeeha: can you Believe there is a pancake bar. I am so gonna have a huge pancake with strawberry syrup and mangos! eeeepp!!!

Me: will you stop talking about food. You making me feel sick. 

I told Sabeeha about how I couldn’t make it to go for the samosa run. She was so excited to go eat some pancakes so I said my goodbyes and cut the call. I placed my head on my pillow and fell into a deep sleep. 

The loud shrill of my ringtone made me shoot up in bed with a shock. I grabbed the phone and answered with a mere “hmmm”

Maseeha: how are you feeling? 

Realizing it was Maseeha, I suddenly felt fresh.  

Me: omg! How was it Mass???

Maseeha: well….

Me: wellll…????

Maseeha: well…wejustclickedAmira, andIreallylikehimandIthinkImgoingtosayyesss!!! (She said it all at once)

Me: woah slow down there!!! I have no idea what you just said! 

Maseeha: I said that we just clicked and I like him and I think Im going to say yes.

Me: (clasping my hands together) oh myyy word! That is great news Masuu!! I am glad you finally found your happiness! 

Maseeha: I know. I am so excited. 

Me: hey but dont get your hopes too high. He still have to give his answer.

Maseeha: aha. I know that. But the way it looks, I think he is going to say yes.

Maseeha: Amiii???

Me: aha?

Maseeha: he is so perfect and sweet. And I can actually see my life with him.

Me: masuuu you that whipped? After one meeting? (Smirk) you so cute mahn

I started to feel nervous for her. What if she is getting a little carried away. Agg mahn Amira. Have some faith will you.

Me: oh my worddddd you are getting married Massssuuuuuu!!!!!! Almost!!!!!!

I was ecstatic. Berserk. Excited. I was going crazy with excitement. Because the possibility hit me like boxer hits his opponent.  

Before Maseeha could utter another word I made a conference call. I had to let the others know of this amazing news. 

Sabeeha: you guys better have a good explanation for this call. I am in the middle of something here! 

Naseema: whats up Amira? Did you go into labour?

Saffiyya: don’t be mad, she is only five months! 

Naseema: oh. Right. 

Me: guys! MASEEHA MIGHT BE GETTING MARRIED!!!

And as expected the line went crazy with “oh my word what????” “Wow this is the good news!!!” “Oh I even forgot the samosa run was today!” “You seriously called to say might get married? You know I might become the Queen one day but you don’t see me announcing it now do you?” Lol. You can guess who the last person was.

They were gone crazy. 

Maseeha: well its not fully confirmed but yeah…I am positive that he is the one!

The rest of the day was spent in a whizz of excitement as I anticipated the months to come. Maseeha. Was. Getting. Married. Almost. 

Imraan got home that afternoon with a huge grin on his face. 

Me: haha. Someone is excited to be a bro in law! 

Imraan: hmmm…Im happy if the ladies around me are happy!

Me: you sound like you getting married.

Imraan: I am! 

Me: hah! You are? (Smirk) who is this very very unlucky girl? 

Imraan: hey! (He laughed) she is not unlucky if she is marrying me!

Me: haha Mr big ego(scrunching my nose) yes she is! 

Imraan: she is the most amazing wife and I would marry her ten times over if I have to! 

Me: romantic much? 

Imraan: someone is very cheeky today…

Me: Its not me, its the baby.

Imraan: (laughing) everything is baby’s fault! 

We both went to sleep late that night. Imraan had to sit up with me when I had insomnia and couldn’t for the life of me fall of to sleep. We ended up sitting and talking about Maseeha. Imraan said that even when Ismail gives his answer, he wont give Maseeha’s same time. He wanted to stall a few days and then call them. Give Maseeha some extra research time and what not. 

Ismail said that if they do end up together he didn’t want a quick wedding. He needed at least six months which if you ask me was crazy. But he needed time to sort himself out with his studies and get on his two feet. Imraan wasn’t very happy either but went with the flow. Maseeha was ever ready to accept anything. So for now it wasn’t official just yet…only time would tell. 

After two cups of tea and a long chat, I finally fell of to sleep.

The next morning was a disaster. I woke up feeling like crap. My head pounded and my eyes burned like crazy. I needed water. I reached out to get the glass but it slipped and fell soaking the carpet. I sat up and held my head. Where was Imraan? 

I got up to get some water and to look for Imraan. 

The house was silent. I called his name a few times but got nothing. No answer. I sat down on the kitchen nook and drank the glass of water. And suddenly I felt the kitchen spinning and closing up on me. I tried to scream but nothing came out. 

The spinning stopped and the kitchen returned to normal. I felt miserable and took the house phone to call Imraan. I needed the Doctor and I needed the doctor now! 

Imraan’s phone kept on going to voicemail. Looking at the clock I realized that he must be at the masjid. I thought of who else to call. Gori foi…but her phone rang and rang. After calling two times and hearing it ring and ring I remembered that she went to her sons place on Sundays. Crap.

I was left with no other choice but to call Zaid and Umayr. Umayr answered with the third ring. I was about to tell him that I need him to get the doctor when once again everything began spinning. I started to breathe heavily and Imraan’s worried face came to mind. Where is he? I thought. I could hear Umayr calling my name in the distance and I tried to answer him. I told him something about how I didn’t want anything to happen to my baby, I told him that I loved my baby and nothing could happen to it. I don’t think he could hear me because he kept saying my name over and over again. Wait. That sounded like Imraan not Umayr. Yes, that was Imraans voice calling my name. I could sense the panic in his voice. I must have called him then, how else would I be hearing his voice? Then I heard the baby crying, howling. And I felt tears prickling my eyes as I tried to imagined a life without the baby. I couldn’t imagine it. Why was I even imagining this? The baby is going to be fine! 

I could hear someone shouting my name again. Why was everyone shouting my name? This time it was Umayrs voice again. Why did this feel like de ja vu? Like this all happened before. It did happen before…it happened when I lost my father. My father…I miss him so much. He didn’t even get to see my baby. I heard Maseeha scream and I felt my body hit against something. It felt like an arm. And then…everything went black…

  

Yooohoooo💃🏻ONE HUNDREDTH POST BAYBEH! 

Here’s to every one of my readers and supporters. You guys are the best😘 

As a thank you present, I have a surprise in my next post for all you lovelies🙊

In the mean time…Comment below and show me some love👏🏻❤️

Sabeeha’s musings- a messy breakfast…

Published February 7, 2016 by surtidiaries

 

Two words. Zaid. Moolla. If there was one person that I could drive over with a monster truck, it would be him. Haha, I bet you thought I was going to give some sweet words about how hot he is. Well he is hot, but thats besides the point. That guy deserves a good few smacks with Thor’s hammer to settle his brain cells (if he has any). You probably wondering why I am hating on him so much. 

Firstly, I firmly believe in annoyed at first sight. That boy has been driving me crazy since day one! 

Pssshht! What does he even think of himself? I bet he has a folder in his phone thats named “me”. Seriously, that guy is so self obsessed, I’m surprised he hasn’t applied for a modeling post on vogue. 

And to think I was actually starting to warm up to that idiot. 

Why I am roasting him so much? Let me tell you. First he wakes me up at five O’clock in the morning (yes, you read right! Five freaking o clock in the darn morning) and why? Because “Zaid” was hungry and wanted company to eat. Did he ask the guys? No. Did he think? No! Is he an idiot? Yes!

I didn’t want the others to be disturbed so I snuck out to answer his calls. The twenty second call mind you. After giving him a fair share of colorful words from my “why the hell would you wake me up” dictionary I cut the call and got back to bed. To my annoyance, I couldn’t fall back to sleep. Sigh.

So that was how Zaid and I ended up standing outside the breakfast area in our pajamas and arguing with the guard to open up for us (probably the only time the two of us were on the sam side). We seemed to be getting nowhere with the arguing so we stomped off to the managers desk who apologized and informed us that the breakfast area was closed and will only open at seven. To say I was annoyed would be an understatement. But Zaid. Zaid wasn’t giving up.

Zaid: we came to eat breakfast, we are going to eat breakfast! 

Zaid ended up bribing the manager and used his behind the counter phone to call room service and made them deliver it to the lobby. I have concluded that this boy is insane. But I didn’t complain because I was starving.

Two guys brought in a huge round table filled with delectable treats that I just couldn’t say no to. There was orange juice, mango juice, water, guava cocktails, toast, bread rolls, cereals, yogurt, muesli, jam, butter, nutella, pancakes, mushrooms, cheese, fruits and so much more. I dont see how it was considered breakfast for two when it looked like it could feed an army but I wasn’t complaining. 

We lined up all the food on the blanket that I came down with and ate like we never ate before. I was still annoyed at him for disturbing my sleep. 

Zaid: you are the first girl to ever not take a picture of the spread and post in on Instagram. Every other girl Ive had a meal with has done that! 

Uhhh how many girls does this guy “have meals” with? I decided to ignore that point because its not like I cared. 

Me: I am not other girls who would opt for a stomach ache. Also, I dont need others to be impressed to prove that I live a cool life. 

Zaid laughed and we both carried on eating without speaking. I was still mad at him for waking me up so early. 

Zaid: (smirk) you still angry?

Hah! So he can see that I am angry. GOOD! 

Me: you think this is me angry? Wait till you see the real angry me!

Zaid: angry you is cute.

Me: flattering gets you nowhere Mr Moolla.

Zaid: (holding his hands up) just stating facts here Miss Hassim.

Omg! He knows my surname? How?

Me: how did you…how do you know my surname?

Zaid: (smirk) I have my sources

Me: (rolling my eyes) just pass me the Nutella. 

Zaid picked up the jar of Nutella and with a straight face picked up a spoon and dug inside. I figured he was taking some for his pancake so I held my hand out patiently and waited for him to pass it. Before I could think twice, he pulled out the spoon and smeared all the nutella on my hand.

Yess. You read right. He had the darn cheek to smear the nutella on my hand. 

Me: (horrified) ohh my word! What the hell Zaid???! 

Zaid: (smirk) what? You said nutella makes you happy! (Shrug)

I pulled my hand away and scowled.

Me: you dont just smear nutella on people Zaid! 

And with that said, I grabbed the yogurt and dumped it on his head.

Zaid stared at me for a full minute and I started laughing and pointing at the pink yogurt that started to slide to all parts of his hair. Pffft. That should teach him.

Zaid: (trying not to let the yogurt fall of his head) you!!! My hair!!! (He shot me a glare and I shrugged smugly and continued to get the nutella off my arm) 

What is with guys and their hair anyway?

Me: I cannot believe that you wasted all this Nutella!

I didn’t hear any reply from him so I looked up. He was nowhere to be seen. I glanced around and from the side of my eye sensed his presence behind me. Oh boy.

I spun around only to be slapped in the face with a huge pancake. With a groan, I licked my lip to taste the strawberry jam that was now pasted onto my face. Oh its on. 

Without even thinking twice, I grabbed the first thing I could and dumped it in his t shirt. Zaid screamed as the ice touched his skin. It was the ice bucket that I grabbed. Ooops. Not. 

It was not long before both of us were at each others throats and food was everywhere. I was in the midst of smearing butter all over Zaid’s face when I heard someone clear their throat very loudly. We both stopped and turned to look at who it was. Uh-oh. 

Imraan: (loud whistle) what in the world?? What are you two doing? (He had a bemused smile on his face) 

We both kept silent and Zaid cleared his throat. I looked at him questioningly and then realized that my hand was still on his face. I pulled my hand away as fast as I could. From an observers side it was a pretty bad sight. I had Zaid pinned onto the wall with my right hand and a block of butter my left. It. Looked. Bad. Astaghfirullah. 

Imraan: you two seem to be getting very comfortable with each other. 

Zaid and I looked at each other. A smirk lingered on his lips. I looked away with a scowl. 

Before any of us could say another word, the entire crew was standing next to Imraan, their eyes wide open and their jaws hanging. They looked a better sight than we did to be honest. Gosh the girls are never going to let this go. 

Me: (grin) Hii! 

They stared.

Me: you guys are awake I see!

Still stared.

Me: want to join us for breakfast? (Whats left of it) 

I took a seat on the couch.

Me: gosh will you guys stop staring like that. Its freaky. 
Two hours later, I was all cleaned up and ready to take on the world. I was ready to take on anything to be honest. Anything besides the nine pairs of eyes that have been staring at me since I came back down. I started to feel uncomfortable but then I realized it was just these mad people that I sometimes called family and sometimes called enemies but yeah why am I stressing about them? 

Me: (clearing my throat) uhh so whats the plan for today?

Maseeha raised her eyebrow.

Naseema: (ignoring the tense air) so this is the plan. We going to the beach for the day and when we get back we pack up and pack the cars. Imraan got us an awesome place near st. lucia. And I promise, this time its authentic mud baths and not bakkie baths and all that. (We all laughed) we go for supper and then chill. Tomorrow we have a long day of adventures so be prepared. Thursday we leave early in the morning for ushaka and at night we have some games we want to play. Friday morning we leave for home. 

Maseeha: Imraan is having a braai on Friday night. 

Naseema: cool. So we have a braai too. 

Amira: sounds nice. 

Umayr: what are the adventures for tomorrow?

Naseema: that is a surprise! (Smirk) 

Imraan: all Amira friendly I hope!

Naseema: lets just say even the baby is going to have a blast! 

Amira: uh-oh. Why am I scared now?

Imraan: Zaid you got no phone that you take mine?

Zaid: (giving Imraan his phone) sorry bruh. Forgot I had it. 

They all chatted away about the day ahead while we waited for Sameer and Yusuf to come down. They were still getting ready. Zaid looked at me with a huge grin and I turned my face away. I was going to get him back for the embarrassment he put me through. When the guys came down we started to leave. I looked at Zaid and he was still staring at me. I rolled my eyes which made him smirk even more. 

Urgggh. What a creep.

I grabbed my backpack and slumped at the back of the Range Rover. 

Amira: (sliding into the seat next to me) would you like to tell me what was going on this morning between you and (cough cough) Zaid? (She raised her eyebrow)

Me: it was just a silly fight. I guess we got a little carried away (shrug) 

Imraan jumped in the front started the engine. Umayr jumped in next to him. He turned to look at me and held his gaze for a while. I started to feel uncomfortable but I stared him straight in the eye. I felt like he was trying to say something to me. Maybe he wanted me to stay away from Zaid or something? He turned to face the front after Imraan had to call his name twice to get his attention. They started talking about the flat and I turned back to the conversation. I shrugged at Amira.

Me: honestly mahn. Its really nothing. I was hungry and he offered to get breakfast!

Amira: okay fine. Im not going to question you. 

Me: thank gawsh! 

We forgot about it and spoke about yesterday and the whole phone call drama. 

It was Ismail that called. He wanted to let Maseeha know that he was the one that told his mother about her and he was excited to come see her as a prospect. Maseeha, who was red in the face, didn’t know what to say. 

He spoke to Maseeha for a few minutes asking her some questions and after Saffiyya mouthed a hundred times for her to end the call she finally did. 

You know how they say every squad has a mummy? Well Saffiyya was our squad mummy. 

She always has the best advice and I loved being in her company. There was something about the way she advises. She never judges or makes you feel low and terrible. She always makes you feel like being a better muslim is so easy. Like you want to be a better muslim. Saffiyya was the reason I made a decision to try and be better. But sometimes, it is just so hard…

Amira offered me chocolate and my attention moved back to the current conversation.

Me: I have a feeling we going to have a wedding soon!

Amira: I hope it works out. Mas deserves happiness after all the heartbreak she went through.

Me: agreed. I have a feeling it will. He sounds like typical Maseeha style guy. 

Maseeha: (turning around) you guys realize I’m right here and I can hear everything right?

We both looked at eachother.

Amira: oops. Completely forgot you were here!

Me: aah and here I was thinking that love makes you deaf. Silly me. I guess it just makes you blind! (I winked) 

We all started giggling as we thought back to after Maseeha put the phone down. She got out to get her towel and walked into the wall.
The day was perfect for the beach and aside from the awkward bumping into Zaid moments, I was having a blast. I let a huge wave cover me and nodded my head to and fro to get the water off my face. I dug my hands into the sea sand and was taken aback by the next wave that went overhead, trying not to get the water in my mouth and eyes, I gained my balance and moved closer to the shore and sat down. Looking at the beach reminded me of Zoheb and Aara’s wedding. A wedding I will never forget. I thought back to Zainabs and Arshads too, I had managed to make friends that I hoped to bump into in the near future. And it wasn’t long before my hopes came true, just an hour later the phone call that Ayaaz and Reez were getting hitched came and I once again planned out a trip, this time even more excited. How couldn’t I be? I was going to see Nemo.